Let's go back to February 9th, 2013. This Saturday (unbeknownst to me) was the beginning of a turning point in my life. This day was the second mardi gras parade of the season. I hadn't attended the first, nor did I intend on attending this one, however my new roommate at that time had insisted I go, so at the last moment I decided to do so. My roommate was one of the main characters on an MTV reality tv show that I had watched religiously before meeting her, and although the show wasn't filming while I lived with her, I knew that attending the parade with her friends would enable me to meet everyone that I'd watched on tv for so long. Once at the parade I met Lindsey Leeper, who is now the father of my baby. Although we didn't socialize much that night, I do remember him being quite flirty and fun to be around. I kept wondering why his name was Lindsey.
The next day, I decided to add on Facebook a few of the people I'd met at mardi gras the night before. It's not every day you meet a guy named Lindsey, so although I didn't particularly seek him out, his profile stood out in my "people you may know" section on Facebook. I added him, and he facebook messaged me that day, February 10th, 2013.
We spent a couple of days messaging one another back and forth; I wasn't particularly interested in being anything more than friends with him, at that point. He was just some guy I met at mardi gras and happened to message on Facebook for a few days. So he definitely caught me off guard that Wednesday night, February 13th, when he asked me if I'd go on a date with him for Valentine's day the following night. I didn't have any plans and my best friend Brittany already had a movie date set for Valentine's, so we decided to make it a double date.
February 14th, 2013; I'd never had a Valentine before. I wasn't particularly excited about it; I anticipated awkwardly trying to keep conversation going with this guy I had only met one time at mardi gras. I remember him calling me multiple times throughout the day, asking if we were still meeting; he sounded excited, and I had wished my enthusiasm matched his. That night Brittany and I met our dates outside of the movie theatre, and I was nervous that I was in for a miserable night. I don't know why I'd been so pessimistic about it; I suppose I hadn't been on a good date in a long time.
Lindsey was standing outside the theatre and I remember him looking very handsome. He was sweet and funny, held doors open for me, bought our tickets, and held my hand during the movie I'd chosen. I was surprised at how well everything was going and how compatible we actually were. During this time I spent a lot of time downtown, so Brittany and I both announced we were going to a bar after the movie and our dates were welcome to join us if they'd like. We all went to a quaint sports bar in downtown Shreveport, where Lindsey and I drank (these were not my best days) and secluded ourselves on a couch, talking for hours (picture of us that night below). Without going into details, I made a few irresponsible and reckless decisions, and this is the night that I conceived. Valentine's night, on our very first date; Romantic? Not a bit.
He and I spent the next 3 days together, going on dates and going to each others' friends' houses. Our first night apart he texted me telling me about the cocaine he was doing, and I broke up with him because I don't mess around with things like that nor do I want the people I date to. We went a few days without speaking, until the day that me and my roommate got into an arguement. My name wasn't on the lease and I wanted to move out, however with my only job at that time being a shot girl at a local country bar, I couldn't afford to live on my own. I posted a status on Facebook looking for a roommate, and Lindsey called me asking if I'd get a place with him. Althought we weren't together, we agreed it'd be cool to get a 2 bedroom place and be roommates. I don't know what I was thinking or why it sounded like a good idea; I guess because I thought living with a guy would be "less drama". Either way, I agreed.
The following Friday, February 22nd (exactly 8 days after our first date), we signed a lease together on a 2 bedroom, 16oo square foot home in a not-so-great neighborhood in Shreveport. That night while I was at work, Lindsey was out with friends and was arrested; he went to jail for a hit and run, driving under suspended license, open container, and two other charges that I can't recall. When I was informed that he was in jail, I panicked knowing that our first rent would be due and I couldn't pay it alone. On Tuesday, February 26th, I took a positive pregnancy test. Before taking the test, I assumed it'd be negative; Lindsey had told me before we ever got together that he couldn't have kids, therefore I trusted him too much and took no precautions. (Later, when asking him how I was pregnant if he couldn't have kids, he responded "Oh, did I say I couldn't have kids? I meant I don't have any kids!") I spent every dollar I had to bail him out of jail the next day.
I told him on the car ride back to our house that I was pregnant, and he was *excited*, which shocked me. It was almost as though he had anticipated the news (I discovered later, he did). I will never forget our first night in our new house; Me, Lindsey, and baby. I was blown away at how a month ago I was a "single, party girl", and now I had a huge home and a family. We spent that first night sleeping on the hardwood floor, we owned nothing but a radio and a couple of blankets. We stayed up late talking, asking questions and getting to know one another; we also talked baby names and our plans for the future. We fell asleep listening to country music, something that became nightly for us from that point on.
The first two weeks together were nothing short of perfect, in my mind. Lindsey had a great job making $15 an hour working 6 days a week. He encouraged me to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom, which is exactly what I intended on doing. He came home every night, we would go eat together or I'd cook for us, then we'd go to sleep and start the day all over again. He was kind and gentle, always considerate of my needs as his pregnant girlfriend, be it food cravings or needing extra rest. I suppose this was our "honeymoon phase". My parents discovered I was pregnant around this time, and accepted him as part of the family immediately.
Two weeks in, his best friend Jeremy moved from a nearby city to come work with him in his construction and irrigation job. Lindsey offered him our spare bedroom temporarily (aka the baby room), and everything went downhill from there. Pretty soon I began to learn of court dates Lindsey had coming up; One for his third DUI, one for a theft charge, and one for his hit and run. I began organizing payment plans and schedules for him so he knew when every court date was and how much he owed. He claimed that everything was stressing him out, and began drinking heavily as well as smoking marijuana in our home. He and Jeremy threw parties every weekend, and I would stay cooped up in my bedroom watching tv to avoid being around all of the alcohol and craziness.
When I confronted Lindsey on his substance abuse the first time, he was apologetic. He said it was all stress induced and wouldn't happen often. Because things had been great the first couple weeks, I trusted what he said and tried not to nag. Very quickly, things spiraled out of control. Lindsey then reached a point of drinking into stupors multiple times a week, as well as smoking pot daily. Eventually I discovered he was back to doing cocaine as well, and walked in on him snorting a line off of a counter once. I was not passive about this kind of behavior by any means, and was contantly at my parents house to escape the chaos he was creating at our house. I rarely saw him sober, and when he was drunk he would get very, very mean. I was a "crazy bitch" (among many others names) for disapproving of his behavior.
Nearly every day with him was a battle. I recall calling my mom crying nearly every night, at a loss at to how much was "enough". Had he not been the father of my child, I'd have walked away a long time ago. However I felt a deep-rooted need to make it work for the baby. I practically became his babysitter that last month we lived together; he rarely came home anymore due to partying or long nights at casinos and bars. I was on-call at all times, knowing I'd recieve a 4am drunk phone call saying "I'm at El Dorado, come pick me up and take me home". And I would. Most nights I'd drive home crying, and he'd be too drunk to even realize that was the case. I'd have to help him get upstairs and take him shoes off, otherwise he'd walk into walls and fall asleep fully dressed.
Around this time I became heavily involved in a Christian group for young women with rough pasts. It was like a support group, but went so much deeper than that. They offer Bible studies every other Tuesday and Dave Ramsey financial classes on the following Tuesdays; I found my *awesome* OBGYN through them and receive free pregnancy healthcare, I have a $1,000 emergency fund through them that is renewed every 3 months that can be used in any way that they agree is neccesary (needing gas, to pay a bill, etc.), and just overall support. I became heavily involved in this group (and still am), and through support from them and my parents, I decided to leave Lindsey.
My mom found a loophole to get me out of our lease, since I was pregnant and our house contained lead paint, it was a huge safety hazard. I moved back home with my parents almost immediately after deciding to leave him. Once I did, he vowed to "turn his life around"... That was two months ago, and no such changes has been made. He was just released from jail again this past Friday, he is still drinking often and heavily (among other things I'm sure, however I do not know what all he does anymore). He talks about how much he wants to be involved in the baby's life, however he lives with his boss where he sleeps on the couch, has no vehicle or license (which he won't get back for a couple of years), makes no attempt to get help for his addictions, has a warrant out for his arrest in the city of Shreveport, and has many outstanding fines for previous court dates.
Whether or not he will be involved in the baby's life, I do not know. I hope to be granted full custody once the baby is born; fortunately for me he has to take a paternity test before he is put on the birth certificate, therefore he has no legal rights to the child until the results are in which takes 8-12 weeks. The baby will have my last name (he doesn't know this yet). As for me, I continue to participate in my support group weekly, financial classes, bi-weekly therapy, church on Sundays, and am actively looking for a full-time job. None of what has been told here is known from my Facebook, so I thought I'd fill you all in on what has been going on. Please keep my baby and I in your prayers.
-Kelsey
Lindsey and I, February 14th 2013
At bar after our first date:
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